i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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