he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
