when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize