I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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