I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
