smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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