You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
