Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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