just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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