If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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