I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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