Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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