I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
