and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
