This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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