Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
