I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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