pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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