i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Holy shit dude........stairs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
