he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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