Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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