I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
