he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
