So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
