So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
