My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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