Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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