dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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