He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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