I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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