I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
