Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The air was thick with penises
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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