And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
