Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
