Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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