This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize