Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
