naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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