I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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