when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
