dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
