Someone shit on the floor
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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