I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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