Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
