What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
