Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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