next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
