After last night, I could never be a politician.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize