The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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