I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why is there bacon in the couch?
soo... how was my night?
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