atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
