Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
