I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
