I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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