She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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