You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
