You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
