let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
