i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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