i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
